An Enlightening Weekend

This weekend we went to Austin because I was playing in my first adult competitive volleyball tournament. I had noticed in the morning that it sounded like Clara had some boogery stuff in her nose. She sounded like a little piggy snorting. By that night, the poor thing kept tossing and turning while snorting away and having a hard time breathing. I felt so bad for her! The day had finally come, our baby was sick (just a cold, but still!). Just like the first days home from the hospital, you have that "what in the world am I supposed to do?" feeling. As Jason is trying to hold her upright, I'm searching the Internet (I know, such a great place to look up medical advice) looking for the best way to suction out her nose. Jason stayed up with her being the amazing husband he is. The next thing I know it's 5AM and I look over to see she is asleep in her car seat inside the pack n play. Jason (who I call the baby whisperer sometimes) figured she just needed to be upright to sleep. Genius.

Soon after, I was off to the tournament. I would like to brag I pretty much played the worst game of my entire life (including junior high) during the first game. I'm not exaggerating. I don't think I have even seen ANYONE play as bad as I did. I was completely mortified, but more so, felt bad for the people I was playing with. They had come all this way to play with the worst setter in the gym. I apologized about 800 times to my team (who I had just met that day by the way) and slumped off to pump during our off game. So here is the enlightening experience. As I'm sitting there in an abandoned first aid room, drenched in sweet, hooked up to my breastpump..."Whomp Whomp...Whomp Whomp...Whomp Whomp..." I came to a bitter sweet realization. Volleyball just wasn't what it used to be. A sport that I had such a deep love and passion for had become so pale in comparison to my new life as a mommy. Even when I was pregnant, I longed to play competitively again. But as soon as Clara came that desire pretty much disappeared. Sitting in that room, breathing in the strong odor of alcohol and antiseptic soap, tears came to my eyes as I thought about Clara being sick for the first time and me not being there for her (Jason had called and said she had a fever). Yes, I knew she was being taken care of perfectly, but her mommy wasn't there. I know it may not sound like a big deal, but to come to the realization that this sport almost meant nothing to me anymore was a HUGE deal. I was the type of player in college that after practicing for 3 hours I would stay after to work on some skill I felt I hadn't mastered, just because I loved it! I couldn't get enough. I always saw myself as an 88 year old still diving on the court. But when they say things change when you have a child, it's so true! As the day went on, I got better and stopped doubling the ball every other play, and even started to have a little fun. Still, my heart just longed to be with my family. I don't think I'm one of those people who can't be away from their kid for more than two seconds (I've been away plenty of times), but I felt like I was just wasting my time. The day ended and I was happy to go home to my baby and family. Who knows, I still may end up playing when I'm 88, but for now, I find more joy in sucking snot out of my baby's nose... :)

PS. Sorry for the super long post (I try to keep them short) but I just wanted to say I have the best in-laws in the world! They love Clara so much and ALWAYS take care of us more than we could ever ask!

Some recent pictures....


Dakota like laying in the boppy since Clara doesn't really use it anymore

Trying to roll over

Dakota stare down

Yummyyyyyyyyy

On the way to Austin

Me not screwing up. HAHA

Resting at Grandma and Grandpa Campbell's after a rough day

Jason's cousin's (Melissa) new baby Braydon!

Rolling over one way!!!